Yikes! the past couple of weeks have been very difficult with Owen throwing temper tantrums. The majority of them seem to be regular ol' being two years old, but a few have been much worse. Yesterday was the worst. We had a family we traveled with to Vietnam stop by for lunch, they have two kids one is Owen's age. Owen made things so difficult, crying at the slightest things & needing to be in control of everything. At first it seemed like he was having trouble sharing (something we are trying to work on) but then things escalated, he was out of control. He was screaming, throwing himself on the floor, he wouldn't play with the kids & everything had to be his way. He ordered everyone around, telling them what they could play with, where they could sit etc. I was totally embarrassed, he had never acted like that before. Needless to say our guests couldn't stay long, & eventually he calmed down enough to have a nap. Later in the afternoon he blurted out " Daddy & Mommy went on an airplane to get me" it was totally unexpected & out of the blue. Gavin & I have been talking more about his adoption, reading stories about adoption, and the past while Owen has been wanting to watch his adoption video. I woke in the middle of the night & wondered if the visit from our travel mates triggered something about adoption for Owen, the family is in the background of his adoption video so maybe he recognized them from that? We can not think of anything else that would have brought on this behaviour. We tried holding time in the evening when he was still getting upset easily & it seemed to help. We are going to limit choices, & keep a record of when behaviour like this occurs so that we can try to pin point triggers. I just hope it doesn't happen very often. Does it sound attachment related to anyone else? any other suggestions?
I should mention that he is feeling, eating & sleeping well. The problem seems to be with wanting control.
6 comments:
Wow, I try to guard myself about thinking TOO many things are "adoption-related" but the timing of this one seems pretty signficant...maybe he is having some insecurity about how he joined your family and what that means, as you suggest.
But...I have no advice, sorry. Even having a fit, though, that's one seriously handsome guy you've got there!
Hey Ange,
The timing may be very suspect, but not just for the adoption issue... also for the TWO issue. I think you trust your instincts. Your ideas about limiting choices, etc are probably bang on, as was the holding him to build security!
Short lived behaviour isn't a major problem, although incredibly difficult and embarrassing to deal with. I agree that the monitoring of when and how often it happens will offer insight as to whether it is an attachment issue or a TWO issue.
Hope to see you soon, tantrums or not!
Ella has had some major temper tantrums - especially when I try to put her in the car seat. She has a very strong personality and is 2 so I often feel that she is just being a toddler. Owen's situation does seem a bit different with thew words he used. We are very open about their adoption at our house too - I wonder if maybe I talk about it too much sometuimes.
Good Luck,
Berna
hi,
I have been thinking about leaving a message for a while.
here it goes.
when I read the blog the first thing I was thinking'oh well, terrible twos...some are worse then others.
Then I got to the bit about"Mommy and Daddy went on a plane to get me"and I thought 'oh, oh' and when I finished reading, the first thing that came to my mind is 'why are you reading and talking adoption stories to a two year old.
I do not want to make you feel bad and you clearly love Owen,but a two year old has so much to work and figure out and is quite emotional at this age,that i think talking about such important subject is to much for him.I don't think he quite understands at this age that he was wanted so much that you had to get on a plane to get him.I don't know if you understand what I'm trying to say.It is pretty hard to write it down.
by the way I have 3 kids myself and one is adopted.
Why don't you ask the family who travelled with you, how and when they talked about adoption?
every kid is different and reacts different.
Hi Ange,
This is actually my first comment about the subjecy and I had every intention signing my name,but before i couuld do that a little person pulled on the cord and off the message went without my nam.
so here I try again
Thanks Martina
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